Official Records
Incident Reports
Every workplace has incidents. Most do not have a Chief Executive Officer determined enough to investigate, document, and formally rule on every single one.
Sleeping Quarters
03:30 Executive Briefing
Moderate Workplace Disruption
Management conducted an unscheduled overnight wellness inspection involving pillow occupation, facial kisses, and a complaint from the Primary Hooman that was ultimately dismissed.
Open Case File →Treats & Morale
Sausagegate
High Priority Treat Procurement
Three incidents. One village café. Four pieces of sausage. An ongoing investigation into the CEO's increasingly determined local procurement strategy.
Open Case File →Hooman Performance
Staff Training Failure
Significant Staff Competency Concern
Dad attempted to teach the CEO the meaning of "leave" but failed to account for treat proximity, Cockapoo response times, or the fact that Enzo had already eaten it.
Open Case File →Security
Unauthorised Contractor Investigation
Elevated Security Concern
An unidentified male was discovered conducting suspicious activity near company property, prompting an immediate CEO-led security investigation involving surveillance, patrols and extensive woof-based reporting.
Open Case File →